Male Narcissists are not a rare breed of species. They are found increasing in numbers in our society every year and may even reach plague proportions. Google 'Narcissism' and the psychoanalytical babbling claptrap portray a myriad of versions of Narcissism labels. American culture is lamely blamed in unremarkable words hidden amidst the abundant observations.
I suggest that Mothers, you, WE, are initially responsible for this scourge on society. Narcissists know how to truly love - themselves. However, the insidious thing is, Mothers fall prey to following society’s dictates, that they are responsible for building their son’s self-esteem by focusing on and amplifying their good qualities while ignoring the bad.
Mothers enable their sons to develop manipulative ways that become subconscious patterns of behaviour that perpetuate their endless need to love themselves, preen themselves, reassure themselves that they must look like the best.
Narcissists, as little boys in trouble, appease Mothers with meaningless apologies avoiding facing consequences and determine to make her happy. After all, Narcissists need happy people around them. They become sneaky to cover up what will upset mothers. Narcissists get indulged. Narcissists must be admired.
“Narley - you did SOOOO good!” (Narley did not complete the requested task.)
“Narley, don’t hit Alex like that.” (Narley ignores Mother.)
Mother’s sweet evocative, pleading voice falters as she reminds herself that she mustn’t focus on the negatives. Praise him up. She waits. Narley snatches toys off Alex. She waits.
“Narley, you were so good to let Alex have that last toy truck!”
Mother creates fewer boundaries; no apologies expected or expressed. Focus on the positives. Why teach Narley to chastise himself? Why draw attention to Alex’s feelings of frustrated outrage? Did Narley really impact on Alex that much, anyway? Where is Alex now? Gone. Well, we can’t keep pulling Narley down with negatives, can we?
Narley grows up. We reassure ourselves, Narley is a success, a doctor, smarter than the ordinary mortals he mixed with, like Alex. Narley finds a partner, one who understands his needs; constant praise, his ego stroked and always loved for what he is. Keep him happy. He’s wonderful when he’s happy. Mr. Opportunist has a sixth sense for picking up females who thrill in his company; women who are easily convinced they must change for their Mr. Confident, the ever Mr. Charming. Narley, with his huge ego, attracts and grooms these women for his own benefit.
Narley marries. However, Narley gets bored. He won’t be told, isn’t even aware that his behaviour and words affect his wife. She no longer strokes his ego. He needs admiration. Narley moves on, he can’t help finding another female who does understand his needs, like Mother did. He uses every sneaky trick he developed from childhood to cover his tracks. He deludes himself, convinced that his wife put him under unmanageable stress, so his adultery is not his fault. Narley deserves to be happy.
Narley, exhibiting what society once called selfish-prick behaviour, may eventually get ‘diagnosed’ with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, (NPD). Mothers, do we feel exonerated, just a little? Maybe it explains how Narley ended up with his father’s worst DNA. Does the label NPD provide us some needed redemptive excuse? Doesn’t it imply that Narley was born like that? Throw him into that large basket with the other labels that explain why Poor-Narley-can’t-help-it. Moreover, women, mothers, wives, WE are expected to help him!
Mothers, we are found Guilty. STOP deluding ourselves. Young Mothers – STOP enabling your sons to become Narcissists. Save the World. Cull out the Narcissists. World Peace.